Time to move on....

Yup, bitten by the bug, the WordPress Bug that is. The clincher to ditch Blogger - ate up too many comments and stopped me from commenting on most blogs. As if word verification wasn't enough! And just cause I have it on mine, doesn't mean I have to like it. It did stop spam though.

New Blog, New Address: http://shehnanigans.wordpress.com/ , New Feeds: Be sure to mark it all.

C ya there :))

CSAAM April 2011 - Precautions a parent can take to ensure their child is safe.

A child, knows only innocence. There is innocence in their pranks, tantrums and their love. They do not know the ways of the world or how dirty it can get. All they know is what we teach them, the ideas and thoughts we inculcate in them. They might not be at the same eye level as us, but they are individuals in their own right and deserve to be treated that way. And they crave for love and attention.

They have an insatiable appetite to learn new things. They love physical activities; more so activities which involve touch. Touch is healing and connecting. It promotes confidence in a child. Confident that he/she is loved and cared for. They say, a new born connects through touch. Knowing how touch is important, teaching a child the good and bad touch is very very tough. Its confusing for one, for the child. And trusting.

Most often, abuse happens through someone is who is know and trusted. No parent will knowingly leave their child with a stranger. It could be family or the help or the worst - one of the parents.

Parenthood introduced me to paranoia. And now I identify with my mother's paranoia. but her paranoia extended only to the non family members. It was stifling and honestly scary too. Was I abused? No, I dont think so. But there were uncles, the younger lot...who slept too close when visiting or hugging and kissing and leaving me squirming. You know instantly its not right and you just want to get away from them. Would they have taken it further, I didn't wait to find out. Did I read them wrong? I dunno. And made sure I wasn't in such a situation again to find out. I grew up in a joint family and these were not people I lived with. And being around so many people, one could just get away from them easily. But that cant be said now. Now we're all nuclear families and a child's companion is most of the times, an adult or an older cousin/child. And it makes no difference if the child is a girl or a boy.

Being paranoid is easy. What you do about it, matters. Here's what I do:

Listen: I really listen to her, patiently. And maintain Eye Contact. One needs to be an attentive listener. And the child most often gives information in bits n pieces at various times. Could be during play time, at meal time, , while doing her homework or at bed time. Don't just listen from one and take it out the other. Be an attentive listener. Ask questions. My daughter needs to know and trust that she can come to me with anything. And I will listen to her. And act on it.

Be Approachable. Encourage your child's questions. Understand and know your child's level of understanding and answer at their level. And be very clear about your own values.

Teach her the good touch and bad touch. And start early. I started when she turned 2. Very important to let her know that it is her body and she is in control of it. And has the right to refuse any touch and my permission to do so. She is taught this in school too.

Watch for behavior changes. Any kind of change that is inconsistent with her behavior or her routine.

One of the most important of all - Keep calm. Always keep your composure. I have learnt the hard way that she will mirror my reaction to the crisis. And If I want her to stay calm she should not see me get upset or hyper ventilate, at least in front of her. Scares her terribly.

If abuse happens, let the child know and reinforce that its not their fault. And get help, psychological and medical if required. Don't be shy. And don't brush it under the carpet.

Follow your instinct. If something or someone seems wrong or your child suddenly seems scared and clingy, act on it. Do not brush it under the carpet, however small or trivial it seems to you. Teach a child to follow their instinct. They are born with them.

Don't encourage my daughter to touch or get comfortable - hug/kiss/be carried by any adult who is not immediate family. Its just Hello.

Don't encourage her to accept goodies/food by strangers. She accepts food only from immediate family.

I do not leave her alone with any help. My maids never play with her unsupervised. The driver is an exception, only when he has to drop and pick her up from school. Took me a long time to trust him with my daughter. And he knows I am always alert. My dad's workplace is swarming with men. And sometimes one or two visit home, for errands and whenever the situation arises that my kiddo would be alone in the car with them, I'm late to work. She gets dropped off first. And if ever the need arises where my driver has to carry her, he checks with me, as she raises a stink if he touches her.

Teach her to say No and to stand up for herself. For someone who forever has to deal with people pulling her cheeks, she has nows learned to turn around and say loudly don't touch my cheeks. I have told her to scream loudly if anybody gets too close and tries to touch her. Honoring her No is very important. It starts with saying no to trivial things and when you acknowledge it, they know its for real. Yes, children test their parents.

No unsupervised play. Even her play dates are with those families whom I trust and know well. And more importantly, where our style of parenting matches.

Yes, life being as is will always throw up a situation which is not in your control and being alert always helps. In-spite of all this, am still paranoid and will continue to be. But will not let it get me. Parenting is not a job, its a way of life; one has to make changes accordingly. Its always better to be safe than sorry. And one needs to loose the inhibitions about talking about body parts.

Child Sexual Abuse is real and happens in a most of the families. Living in denial is no option and if you are a parent or someone who knows a child being abused, speak up and help that child. And please do not blame the child. He/she is the victim here, it is the perpetrator who needs to be punished. And don't be afraid of doing so. We not only owe our children a green world but also a safe and a loving environment for them to grow up in.

This post is an initiative towards Child Sexual Abuse Awareness kicked off by Monika and Kiran. In Monika's words,

So across the month of April 2011, over 40 bloggers in the blogosphere will come together to post on various aspects of Child Sexual Abuse in a bid to create awareness about an issue which affects over 50 per cent of children. This, the Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month April 2011, will run across their blogs as well as the CSA blog, which will be . In addition to these posts, the CSAAM blog will feature survivor stories, posts by experts and NGOs working in these fields. Through this concerted effort we hope to bring Child Sexual Abuse out of the closet and teach parents how to educate their children about predators, preventing their children from being abused and knowing how to deal with such a situation should it occur. Our children deserve a safe and happy childhood.

So come join us in the effort and Keep your child safe.

If you would like to add to the discussion or know somebody else who would, please note that we welcome entries

• mailed to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com OR
• posted as FB notes and linked to Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month Page OR
• posted on your own blog with the badge and linked to the main blog OR
• linked or posted on Twitter tagged twitter.com/CSAAwareness OR

The list of topics is available here. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will of course be honoured. I will probably be hosting at least one guest post and encourage you to do the same for non-blogging friends.

Please remember to send in a mail with all necessary links or just your input tocsa.awareness.april@gmail.com so that we can track your contribution and make sure that it is not inadvertently lost or something.

You post on your own blog, using the logo code for this blogathon which is this : 

<a href=”http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/” _mce_href=”http://csaawarenessmonth.wordpress.com/” target=”blank”><img src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” _mce_src=”http://csaawarenessmonth.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/csa-logo.jpg” alt=”" /></a>

Be Aware. Be Informed. Empower your child to say No and to tell you when something fees wrong. And stand by your child, if something is wrong. Keep every child safe. We owe it to them.

Whose life is it anyway?

Just can’t stay away from this one, the more I try the more I keep get pulled in. And I have to say it loud and clear. This is my viewpoint, and it worked for me.

This post is a response to Nitin’s and G.Vishwanath’s comment on IHM's post

If it’s a love marriage, I bet you loved him because he did your bidding. That is until he was pitted against his parents. A man is either independent, or he will be a mama’s boy/jhoru ka ghulam, depending on perspectives. Dont expect your husband to be your shield, if you are independent enough and tactful enough to manage situations.

That’s insulting. No woman worth her salt will want a puppet for a husband. Being independent means being able to think for oneself, clearly and not get influenced by emotional factors. How many men can do that? Can you? I know I can.

A woman leaves everything behind to live with the husband, its not the other way around. She is not expecting him to be her shield, but have the courage to stand up and defend her when she is being insulted. Would you like it if your wife just sat smug while u were being insulted and actually told you that you deserved it? Wouldn't you want your wife to defend you?

We do have older generation’s point of view. Yet I don’t get how insulting another human being is justified. They are parents themselves and yet they sit and insult another’s parents? How can that be justified? Is it even respect worthy? How does one, the daughter in law for one, respect such people? Hell, even animals are respected for who they are. So why not, the daughter in law? She is human after all.

And the women who undergo this – why are you doing this to yourself? It is your life, please take charge of it. If you cannot respect your life, how can you expect others to respect it? And when you have a child of your own, what kind of a message are you sending to him/her? That it is absolutely OK to be treated this way or be the one hurling abuses? Yes, you might not be getting physically abused, he might be loyal, but this is emotional abuse and it is just as cruel. And yes, it does amount to Domestic Violence.

And to those who daughter’s are going through this.. Why? Why do you parents let your daughters stay in a sad, cruel relationship? Support her. She is a human and deserves to be treated like one.

Love marriage or Arrange marriage, ultimately it all boils down to Honesty, Loyalty and Respect. Actually Respect . A man who doesn’t have the spine to stand up for a woman, who left everything behind to be with him, doesn’t deserve her. The man who needs his mum’s permission to be a good husband and a father, just because his mom is around is not worth it. Love can only take one so far.

Take charge of your life, woman. Simply, cause its yours. And have courage, lots of it, will get you through your life.

Say What??

Summer Holidays. Always meant cold coffee, mangoes, no studies, lotsa masti time and of course the visit to the grandparents home for close to two months. A four day train journey, with changing trains along the way, hoping & praying that the tickets booked, would actually be utilized.

The train journey would be eventful by itself. A bunch of us start together, till we reach our respective destinations. We'd raid the pantry, bug our fellow travelers, generally having a whole lotta fun and creating awesome memories along the way. Being a part of a large joint family had(has) its perks. Never missed friends esp during hols, there was this guarantee that someone would always be there giving you company. The parents had no clue what the children were up to, yet we survived and managed and those fun years have resulted in some great relationships, even if the elders don't have.

And now summers holidays are all about summer camps, short short trips, shorter journeys and of course the video games. Joint families have given way to nuclear families, and most double income households and single children left with maids, the new age nannies. And in most households, grand parents have been relegated the nanny status and not necessarily during the hols only.

Another new thing or fad as I would like to call it, that has started is the singing & dancing Reality Show's for kids. This has taken parents ambition to new heights. Holidays are definitely not meant for stressful activities for children. Exams are enough stress already. They are supposed to be fun & carefree & definitely not to be spent waiting in the blazing heat for their turn in the audition. And not to mention the stress of the practice sessions, the performance and the pain of rejection/failure. I'm not sure though if one of the parents stays with the child during the competition. Are the children equipped enough to handle all this? Their parents certainly can't, they break down, insult & misbehave. All this for 2 min of fame!? Agreed the reality shows have opened new gates, but there needs to be a change in the law (child labor law perhaps). And where does one draw the line? Does the impressionable young, yet to develop mind of a child not matter at all?

Yes, the kids have talent, can it not be honed in dance schools and smaller competition's? Yes, these days summer hols are meant for singing and dancing auditions in reality shows for which they prepare through out the year.

Yes, they dance well. Yes, its a great platform. And yes, Imp loves Boogie Woogie and Dance India Dance esp the little master's and wants to participate too. But that does not mean I forget being sensible. One of us has got to be an adult sometime.

And the lesser said about the provocative costumes and lewd vulgar dance moves and songs which the parents have no problem with, the better.

Five things that disappear just when you need them.....

Tagged by Kiran and here goes without any further ado the five things that I am forever looking for :)

1. My glasses. Rarely wear them when at home and always forget where I left them last. Once I found them only when I sat on them.

2. My keys in my purse. Its a mini heart attack I get, when I start hunting for my kyes..could be car keys or the house keys. They just get lost in there.

3. My mobile. Its on silent most of the time at home, cause when it rings, my kiddo by default has to pick it up or its hell to pay. I actually have many times, called my number and then strained my ear to hear the beep, just to figure out its hiding space.

4. Imp. yea yea my kiddo. never wants to drink her water.. doesn't want to stay indoors..even in this blazing heat. Call out to her and I don't get a reply. have started locking the gate thanks to her..

5. Stationary. You name it, pen, eraser, marker, stapler, cellophane tape..all have their own place..but with a kid who loves to cut, tape and write, can never seem to find one, just when I need it.

And I pass this tag too whoever is interested in taking it up. Just let me know :)

And so it has begun...

Last Friday I reached home to a note from her school " Please collect your child's report card on Monday."

WTF!!! A frigging report card??!!! My daughter is getting a Pass or Fail grade in play school? Incredulous, stupefied and stunned. And shouldn't it read as a progress report? I don't like the pass and fail concept and then what would she be graded on? will she pass..heck I knew she would..but yet..damn I hated the waiting.

Finally Monday arrived and I came home to her Report Card. And to say I was floored is an understatement.

It was 2 huge files; one with all the work that she has done in school; all her paintings, her craft work, her scribbles from when she learnt to hold the pencil to sticking activities, to her homework, and all of them with the date. Its a huge thick file. The second one, with laminated sheets held together with a cutesy purple (incidentally her fav color) ribbon. This is like an index or rather a syllabus, with all the activities she has been introduced too, has mastered and is currently working on. Its exhaustive. And yes, it is titled the "Progress Report". And it is complete with pictures. And the last page is the comments by the teacher with a class pic at an outing they had.

I have no complaints. And now I know why my kiddo loves her school so much, she has way too much fun there...the coming 2 months are going to be harrowing for both of us. I just hope we don't tear our hair out in frustration.

It was such a refreshing change to not see the A - F grading system. And so happy that that I was right in choosing this school. The extended family can be such a nuisance at times, wondering why a toddler needs Montessori training and not to mention the fees. Looking at her files, everything was just so worth it. My only grouse is that the Government on India does not recognize the Montessori method, it believes only in the traditional one. Children would be so much happier in this method. The learning system is just amazing here. And of course, they would just love math.

I don't know where she is going to be 3 years from now, I have decided to not get hyper about it. I know most parents, rather the mothers know where their child will be going too, but I'm not getting into it now, gonna save myself the heartache and decide when its time for her.


My only wish, is that she enjoys it as much as she does now.

How far would you go to make money?

Would you put up your child on hire? To have total strangers look after your child in their environment and you get paid for it.

A baby, a toddler, a growing child right from infancy, needs and feels secure with a said routine, a familiar place with familiar people, technically the family. Not strangers, not a strange place, irrespective of the fact that it is the parents who have introduced them to the kid or that the parents are always there in the background. It is the parents job to be a parent and not let some celebrity part of some show become parents for few days.

Imagine the emotional and psychological turmoil in the kid in such surroundings. I'm really shocked that such a show actually took off. And that there is so NGO opposing it. What is our health govt doing? Where is the so called moral police? Nobody finds this offensive?

All I can think of is the babies. They sure as hell look cute, all babies do. But their crying is not because of food or sleep its primarily cause they're insecure. Heck even as new parents, one does not know what a child is going through, why and what is it that is making them cry. how can it not break their parents heart. Is it cause they can't talk?

In case you are wondering what I'm talking about; just saw the promos of a new reality show on NDTV Imagine, Pati Patni Aur Woh. The show is about taking the relationship to the next level, to test if the celebrity couples are ready to take on the biggest challenge of their lives - Becoming Parents.

Swine flu ke side effects!

*Image Courtesy: Bangalore Mirror




*Image Courtesy: TOI

Some Bubbly perhaps?

Never thought I'd ever get here... yet its been the toughest post to write... been at a complete loss of words... its been quite a journey... can't forget where I started from.. and have made so many wonderful friends along the way.

After 2 years, finally hit the 100th post!

And here it is with a brand new look.

SGD, am truly honored that you thought of me, thank you so much for the IBC Award , my apologies for accepting it soo late, but I wanted it be here :-)




Happy Friendships day in advance everybody!!

Cheers!! :-)

Full of life and attitude

Bro at B's (Imp's friend) place:

B: Oh! It's you!! ......Why have you come alone? I told you to bring Imp? so why did you not bring her?

Bro, shocked at her tone... manages to mumble... will bring her tomorrow ... ok... promise.

B: Good.

There are few days when I pick up and drop B home from school... yes both of them go to the same school

Me: Enjoyed school today?

B: Yes. Casually asks me... I thought you were supposed to get her home? (this after 3 days of meeting every evening and after school playing)

Its always a tough time for me and their school teachers when I have to pick up the imp, as both want to go home together... doesn't matter whose home, just as long as they are together. Its a different thing that after 2-3 hours pf playing both have drawn their daggers and are fighting for that small chair to sit or the brownie to be finished...no they are not fighting for the last one...just that Imp likes to relish her brownies and B likes to wolf them down. Both are head strong, stubborn and short tempered. And cannot take no for an answer. yet when its time to leave, they want to stay together. You ask one a question and the other one will answer for her. Its really rare when they will answer questions asked to them.

And Thank god they are not in the same class! Don't even want to imagine what would happen then.

**********************************

On a totally unrelated note... how to get away with murder!!! sigh.... what a total waste.

Blast from the past

Flashback 10-15 years

Summer hols were always associated with load shedding. 8 - 10 hrs, sometimes even more and all unscheduled at granny's place in a remote village in UP. We'd be surprised if we had any power supply at all. Inverters did'nt exist. Generators reserved for the night and afternoon siestas. The situation hasn't changed much now.

Cut to the present at home, Mysore.

Supposed Rainy season. No Rains, No hydro power ... unscheduled load shedding up to 8 hours, inverters crash...long forgotten gas lamps have been unearthed, generator sales; irrespective of the fuel prices have increased. KRS is dry.... bloody heart breaking, when you have had too many fun picnics there... its depressing to visit it now. Only tourists go there now, locals don't even visit that place any more.

If it wasn't for the weather, there would be no difference between the present and the past.

The Adventurous One..

The whole neighborhood knows our dogs and keep an eye for them. They are friendly and never attack unless provoked, so can be left to wander about on their own for a few minutes and they always find their way back. There have been days when complete strangers have come knocking to tell us that our dogs have wandered far away and somebody should go get them, before they are dog-napped. They are the star attraction, though our immediate neighbors will have a different POV due to their(his) loud and constant barking. Every person walking by or standing in front of the gate is greeted this way.

The notorious one

Forever up to mischief, forever hungry, can eat any thing and forever barking! Once he took Imp's stuffed toy into his dog house and refused to come out! Last week one day he suddenly decided to not come back home after his regular walk post lunch. We decided to wait till evening to go look for him. Our help, who whenever around, always takes them out personally after lunch was very guilty...since this happened on his watch. So he takes the other one and goes looking. And cant find him. Takes the other one too and heads out. Still no clue. Dad is not too worried, mum however is a different case altogether. And Imp asking for him all the time. Mum's sure he has either met with an accident somewhere or somebody's walked off with him. She strongly suspected our immediate sour neighbor. Our other dog is acting very weird. Standing at the gate and barking away, peeing through the opening and barking... Open the gate and he looks left and right and barks away. Every time, he barks we're checking outside and finally our man decides to come back home. Why? Its dinner time! And his punishment, poor guy had to go hungry for not coming back home on time. Nobody messes with mum when she is sooo upset.

The silent brooding one

Obedient, Quiet and unruffled... till the notorious one came into picture. Then we saw his naughty side. Both of them together are a riot. Always chewing whatever they can sink their teeth into... looking at both of them, one would think they are not fed at home, at all. One fine day he too decided to not come back home after his lunch walk. For some vague reason he decided to follow one of the teens who was walking out of a nearby bank. Accompany him till his shop, and decides to snooze under the shade there. It was a hot sunny aft, and the kid had given him a bowl of water and food too. small mercies he did not eat anything, just had water and slept. The boy along with his friends dropped him off home in the evening. The boys were totally thrilled and excited, that they had the company of our dog for one whole afternoon and that he was so well behaved!

These very group of kids keep a look out for our dogs, always checking in on them and appraising us if they have wandered far away.

Blessed.. Aren't they?

And he is gone....

Damn damn damn... feels unreal

grew up listening to his songs... they are an all time fav... and now he is gone. Just like that. A legend, one that I didn't associate death with. Listening to his songs is gonna make me cry. No body can match up to this performance at the '88 Grammys , The Way You Make Me Feel and Man in the Mirror...






The king of pop is dead.

RIP MJ

Wear your Attitude

The clothes available for girls is way too cute, just couldn't resist picking tees with these lines on them for Imp

SMALL but Dangerous.

Party Trained!

I can only please one person a day.
Today isn't your day.
Tomorrow doesn't look good either.

I don't do DRAMA.

There is one I had,

All men are Animals.
They just make better Pets!

Think I should get that one done for her, of course for when she is a little older?