Whose life is it anyway?

Just can’t stay away from this one, the more I try the more I keep get pulled in. And I have to say it loud and clear. This is my viewpoint, and it worked for me.

This post is a response to Nitin’s and G.Vishwanath’s comment on IHM's post

If it’s a love marriage, I bet you loved him because he did your bidding. That is until he was pitted against his parents. A man is either independent, or he will be a mama’s boy/jhoru ka ghulam, depending on perspectives. Dont expect your husband to be your shield, if you are independent enough and tactful enough to manage situations.

That’s insulting. No woman worth her salt will want a puppet for a husband. Being independent means being able to think for oneself, clearly and not get influenced by emotional factors. How many men can do that? Can you? I know I can.

A woman leaves everything behind to live with the husband, its not the other way around. She is not expecting him to be her shield, but have the courage to stand up and defend her when she is being insulted. Would you like it if your wife just sat smug while u were being insulted and actually told you that you deserved it? Wouldn't you want your wife to defend you?

We do have older generation’s point of view. Yet I don’t get how insulting another human being is justified. They are parents themselves and yet they sit and insult another’s parents? How can that be justified? Is it even respect worthy? How does one, the daughter in law for one, respect such people? Hell, even animals are respected for who they are. So why not, the daughter in law? She is human after all.

And the women who undergo this – why are you doing this to yourself? It is your life, please take charge of it. If you cannot respect your life, how can you expect others to respect it? And when you have a child of your own, what kind of a message are you sending to him/her? That it is absolutely OK to be treated this way or be the one hurling abuses? Yes, you might not be getting physically abused, he might be loyal, but this is emotional abuse and it is just as cruel. And yes, it does amount to Domestic Violence.

And to those who daughter’s are going through this.. Why? Why do you parents let your daughters stay in a sad, cruel relationship? Support her. She is a human and deserves to be treated like one.

Love marriage or Arrange marriage, ultimately it all boils down to Honesty, Loyalty and Respect. Actually Respect . A man who doesn’t have the spine to stand up for a woman, who left everything behind to be with him, doesn’t deserve her. The man who needs his mum’s permission to be a good husband and a father, just because his mom is around is not worth it. Love can only take one so far.

Take charge of your life, woman. Simply, cause its yours. And have courage, lots of it, will get you through your life.

Say What??

Summer Holidays. Always meant cold coffee, mangoes, no studies, lotsa masti time and of course the visit to the grandparents home for close to two months. A four day train journey, with changing trains along the way, hoping & praying that the tickets booked, would actually be utilized.

The train journey would be eventful by itself. A bunch of us start together, till we reach our respective destinations. We'd raid the pantry, bug our fellow travelers, generally having a whole lotta fun and creating awesome memories along the way. Being a part of a large joint family had(has) its perks. Never missed friends esp during hols, there was this guarantee that someone would always be there giving you company. The parents had no clue what the children were up to, yet we survived and managed and those fun years have resulted in some great relationships, even if the elders don't have.

And now summers holidays are all about summer camps, short short trips, shorter journeys and of course the video games. Joint families have given way to nuclear families, and most double income households and single children left with maids, the new age nannies. And in most households, grand parents have been relegated the nanny status and not necessarily during the hols only.

Another new thing or fad as I would like to call it, that has started is the singing & dancing Reality Show's for kids. This has taken parents ambition to new heights. Holidays are definitely not meant for stressful activities for children. Exams are enough stress already. They are supposed to be fun & carefree & definitely not to be spent waiting in the blazing heat for their turn in the audition. And not to mention the stress of the practice sessions, the performance and the pain of rejection/failure. I'm not sure though if one of the parents stays with the child during the competition. Are the children equipped enough to handle all this? Their parents certainly can't, they break down, insult & misbehave. All this for 2 min of fame!? Agreed the reality shows have opened new gates, but there needs to be a change in the law (child labor law perhaps). And where does one draw the line? Does the impressionable young, yet to develop mind of a child not matter at all?

Yes, the kids have talent, can it not be honed in dance schools and smaller competition's? Yes, these days summer hols are meant for singing and dancing auditions in reality shows for which they prepare through out the year.

Yes, they dance well. Yes, its a great platform. And yes, Imp loves Boogie Woogie and Dance India Dance esp the little master's and wants to participate too. But that does not mean I forget being sensible. One of us has got to be an adult sometime.

And the lesser said about the provocative costumes and lewd vulgar dance moves and songs which the parents have no problem with, the better.

Five things that disappear just when you need them.....

Tagged by Kiran and here goes without any further ado the five things that I am forever looking for :)

1. My glasses. Rarely wear them when at home and always forget where I left them last. Once I found them only when I sat on them.

2. My keys in my purse. Its a mini heart attack I get, when I start hunting for my kyes..could be car keys or the house keys. They just get lost in there.

3. My mobile. Its on silent most of the time at home, cause when it rings, my kiddo by default has to pick it up or its hell to pay. I actually have many times, called my number and then strained my ear to hear the beep, just to figure out its hiding space.

4. Imp. yea yea my kiddo. never wants to drink her water.. doesn't want to stay indoors..even in this blazing heat. Call out to her and I don't get a reply. have started locking the gate thanks to her..

5. Stationary. You name it, pen, eraser, marker, stapler, cellophane tape..all have their own place..but with a kid who loves to cut, tape and write, can never seem to find one, just when I need it.

And I pass this tag too whoever is interested in taking it up. Just let me know :)

And so it has begun...

Last Friday I reached home to a note from her school " Please collect your child's report card on Monday."

WTF!!! A frigging report card??!!! My daughter is getting a Pass or Fail grade in play school? Incredulous, stupefied and stunned. And shouldn't it read as a progress report? I don't like the pass and fail concept and then what would she be graded on? will she pass..heck I knew she would..but yet..damn I hated the waiting.

Finally Monday arrived and I came home to her Report Card. And to say I was floored is an understatement.

It was 2 huge files; one with all the work that she has done in school; all her paintings, her craft work, her scribbles from when she learnt to hold the pencil to sticking activities, to her homework, and all of them with the date. Its a huge thick file. The second one, with laminated sheets held together with a cutesy purple (incidentally her fav color) ribbon. This is like an index or rather a syllabus, with all the activities she has been introduced too, has mastered and is currently working on. Its exhaustive. And yes, it is titled the "Progress Report". And it is complete with pictures. And the last page is the comments by the teacher with a class pic at an outing they had.

I have no complaints. And now I know why my kiddo loves her school so much, she has way too much fun there...the coming 2 months are going to be harrowing for both of us. I just hope we don't tear our hair out in frustration.

It was such a refreshing change to not see the A - F grading system. And so happy that that I was right in choosing this school. The extended family can be such a nuisance at times, wondering why a toddler needs Montessori training and not to mention the fees. Looking at her files, everything was just so worth it. My only grouse is that the Government on India does not recognize the Montessori method, it believes only in the traditional one. Children would be so much happier in this method. The learning system is just amazing here. And of course, they would just love math.

I don't know where she is going to be 3 years from now, I have decided to not get hyper about it. I know most parents, rather the mothers know where their child will be going too, but I'm not getting into it now, gonna save myself the heartache and decide when its time for her.


My only wish, is that she enjoys it as much as she does now.