Saturday, September 22, 2007

First Cut

My angel had her first fall two days back, she bled for the first time and had me in panic. It turned out to be a minor cut, but made me realize that whenever your child is hurt, the mother should never panic, instead should be calm and collected. Else you will only land up scaring your child more.

It was also the first day that she tasted ice. It was a usual day, lunch time. She like to crawl and play around while having her lunch. And as usual she was running away from the spoon when she fell flat on the floor. She cut her lip, of course she didn't let me see or touch her lip until much later. Her lip had swollen and after some ice rub, it was much better. But not without scaring me and a hospital visit in panic!

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Turn Around

Sweet Lime chopped into squares sprinkled with salt and pepper is a favorite. It was just another lazy Sunday evening when I was having this dreading the thought of going back to work on Monday. Little did I know how my life was about to change!

I wake up feeling sick. Bad throat. decided to make myself sage infusion. And thats when it starts. Vomiting. I'm taking out everything. Just when I think I couldn't handle any more it stops. Phew! So I leave for work on my bike and bang in the middle of a traffic jam I can feel the bile rising up. Luckily the signal turns green, so I go a little ahead and park on one side and puke my guts out. I make it to my office only to feel really sick. After about 3 hours I decide to go back home. So my hubby comes to get me as I'm too sick to ride my bike. We decide to have lunch and go home. Bad Idea. I cant eat anything. By now he is really worried. I just want to go home and sleep. So we put off going to the doctor till I've slept for some time. My boss and my colleagues have already started teasing me sying that I could be preg. But I didn't miss my period so I'm not overtly worried. By the time we reach home I have a temperature. So I finally get some sleep and I'm ok. Back to work the next day.

A week later the same thing happens again। This time I'm worried। So I take an afternoon off to see the doc. I'm asked to get a sonography done. And thats when I get to know Im 12 weeks pregnant. When the lab assistant tells me that Im preg, I refused to believe her, so She showed me the monitor. Up until then I had not wanted a child. Why? I wasnt mentally, physically and finaclially ready. And was prepared to terminate it. But when the Assistant showed me the monitor and I saw my baby, her legs, hands, back, head.I was in LOVE! I knew I couldn't be a murderer. It took me a good 5 min to realise that I was looking at my baby. I can still see that image. And I could'nt wipe my grin.

Today she is 11 months old and the most precious thing in the whole world. She has singlehandedly brought about a 360 degree change in me. I am no longer short tempered, don't get hyper easily, am so much more calmer and my feathers don't get ruffled easily. My mum recovered faster because of her. She is our stress buster and with a smile to light up the whole room. I could go on and on about her and it would never end :)

Its been more than a year now and so much has changed since then. I walked out of an abusive relationship, choosing to raise my daughter by my self. So now I'm a single mom, waiting for her divorce to come through; looking at the world through my daughters eye, rediscovering all that I had lost. in short learning all over again without a days regret.

Friday, September 7, 2007


"Your parents got a son in law for very cheap" I didn't know he was for sale. If I had he wouldn't have become my husband.

"I lost my son. You snatched him away from me" Grow up woman. Whats gonna happen to him when your gone?

"All she does is insults us. She does not know how to talk to us! She is not a house wife. she goes to work and thinks just because she is independent she does not have to do any house work. " I'm sorry. Guess I'm incapable of communicating in your language. I'm ready to quit if my dear husband can support us and you!

"So what if your mum has cancer? Its not like she's dead!"

"Why didn't you have the courtesy of informing us that you were admitted in the hospital with labor pains? Why did your husband have to call and inform us?" Am I supposed to have my baby or put the labor on hold to call you!

"Since you did not think it was necessary for you to call us, we don't think it is appropriate that we accept your parents invitation to the party for the child."

"Since the children are not here, why should we come to your house for Diwali? Our relationship exists only because of our kids and if they are not here then there is not relationship at all."

"What seventh month function? There is no such thing? And it is not necessary that it should be done. I am in no mood to do that for you." So why then couldn't you explain the same thing to your mother when she asked you about it?

"Cancel your appointment for Friday. I am here, I will take you to your doctor's appointment on Saturday. Your father will come and pick you up from your parents home. You don't miss the function on Friday, everybody will be here." And as predicted *sigh* I'm still waiting...its been 8 months already!

"Oh I don't know when we will have the naming ceremony for the child. We haven't thought of it as yet. maybe in 2 or 4 months...who knows?" Yeah I know. It will never happen.

life evolves

you took my heart and soul
made me soar
and then brought me down like a ton of bricks
broke my heart into a million pieces that are so scattered will never be whole again
but i must go on for the life i created