Deja Vu...

A few days back Bangalore Mirror had this cover story about a lady who is being tormented by her husband. She has close to 9 lacs as debts through loans and credit cards. She has a 3 year old boy. Her life is in danger. Her sons life is in danger, as her husband has made threat. he has run away with another woman. Her son does not stay with her as she fears for his life. Her case is in court and has a lot of medical problems, lost the sensation in one of her legs due to the tension. She was a techie when she met her husband. Her parents were against her marriage as they knew he wasn't right for her.

This could have been my story. Had my bro not told me that I can stay here for as long as I want when I broke down, at my parents home, I probably would have gone back to the sham that was my marriage. I have a debt of 2 lacs which would have been much more had I gone back. If I am home safely without any threat from my husband and his family its only because of my bro. My husband never got along with my bro. It was bro who was with me when I had my final confrontation with my husband, in the background. And I know if he had not been there, my husband would have never let me come back to my parents home and no not because he loves me or my baby. I was his cash cow.

Reading this cover story I sent a prayer of thanks, cause it could have easily been me. My mum also feels the same way. My dad strongly feels that if I am alive and well, its thanks to Guruji and not just luck. Me, I feel blessed!

I have Guruji's photo hanging in my room. After angel was born, she would look at Guruji's photo and she would have the brightest smile I have ever seen. She would coo and talk in her own way to the photo. At first I just dismissed it. After all a one month old child cannot really focus. But when it became a regular occurrence, it left me stumped, speechless. Till mum's friend his devout devotee, told me that a baby is a soul and she has just come from god, his place and therefore she can identify him and talk to him. Bizzare !!!??? TO this day she loves to look at him, at his pic. She always has a smile on her face when she sees him.

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Before my angel was born I always wanted my kid to have my husband's eyes. Today I am glad that she looks nothing like him. When I look at her, I see my grandpa and bro staring back at me. Not just in looks but in aptitude as well. My bro is just like my grandpa, in looks, personality, a mini him. For the longest time I have yearned to know my grandpa, wished that he was alive so that I could get to know him. I have only one grouse in my life that I never got the chance to know him, to feel him. I hate the fact that I don't remember much about him. I was way too young when he passed away. He was and is still loved and remembered by all. Everybody has fond memoirs of him. Of his gregariousness, his helpful nature, his ability to bring the whole family together. When ever he was around, there would never be a dull moment. Everybody across all ages loved him, adored him and revered him. I miss him soooo much and hate the fact hat I was not given a chance to be with him.

I was 4 when my grandpa passed away. And I have never seen such a huge gathering of people who came to pay their respects. there were reporters with their camera, villagers with their carts full of people. I was awed ...wow so many people have come! Mebe thats why I remember this. I have heard so many stories of love, fun and gratitude from relatives, friends and total strangers. And have left this deep emptiness this question why did god have to take him away from us. I always hunger for his stories. Never tire of them, I know dad misses him a lot and don't ask him too many times.

My angel looks like him. Its uncanny. Her likes and dislikes are so much like my grandpa. My dad just shakes his head and goes just like your bade nana. and my mum goes just like your mama :D

A mini mama is what People who have not seen or met my grandpa call my angel. Her likes dislikes are soo much like them. I was thrilled to bits when I realised that she looks like him.

And I cant help but think is this him back? Dare I hope or am I being too filmy?

About Me

31. Gemini. Single Mum to the most beautiful angel.

Full time mum part time recruitment consultant. All me time is my blog time, very rare at the moment.

Friends describe me as passionate, trustworthy, lovable, they turn to me for advice on work, relationships..

My experiences as a single first time mum, daughter and sister find their rest here. I used to take things at face value, big mistake i realise now..but better late than never..Starting LIFE Afresh, after a 360 degree turn.

Uncle Jag (UJ) will also have prominent mention here. He is a holistic doctor, healer, chiropractor who is practically family. His treatment involves essential oils, yoga and diet. I do not know what I would do without him. We(my family and me) are his ardent followers, simply because we have seen results where English and homeopathy medicines have failed.

This space is dedicated to my daughter, my life my joy my mischievous little fairy. The rest of the things are thrown in for some equal measure.

At the moment this is an annon blog, contemplating to change that. Sill undecided.

Riot!

This is one riot that I absolutely love. The riot of colors! I have begged, pleaded, and fought with all my bosses for 2 days of leave, to come back home to play Holi. And returned the next day back to work all pink and green. My friends who have played with us like forever, have also gone back to work all pink, blue and green.

We have played with colors, crystals, and yes with food stuff too - doused pepsi, splashed kanjii vada's and dahi vada's; a classic food fight. Its the one day of the year that is awaited with excitement. Its also the first thing that is checked when the new Hindi calender arrives, the date is different every year.

Have a Happy, Colorful and a safe Holi!

Holi Hai!

Apprehensive. Excited. Curios. Just before the Holika Puja. Wondering how my angel will react. Will she get scared, or will she enjoy. Or will she Cling?

Every year the puja is held close to midnight, this time the time given was between 8:30pm and 9:30 pm. Suitable time, given that there is no way I could have taken her after she had slept. Its been pre-decided ever since we moved away from our joint family, to gather at one place for Holi. It really is no fun to do this puja all by your self otherwise, is there?

So we met at the appointed hour, performed the puja,and not a squeak from Angel. She was totally engrossed, taking in the new sightings. Keenly observing what we were all up to. Doing Jai when the fire was lit. Once the puja is over, we greet our elders and seek their blessings, wishing them "Happy Holi", exchange sugar cane and apply gulal. Only after we have wished each other do we start playing. In all this Angel too started wishing everybody, doing Jai and of course collecting and not exchanging Sugarcane. Everybody applied gulal tika and she enjoyed it.

Happily posed for photographs and didn't want to leave with no signs of sleep in sight. I was immensely surprised that she was happily mingling with my cousins whom she did not remember, as the last they had seen her was easily 6-8 months back. She has been a clingy child and to see her on her own enjoying was a real delight. She played with her older cousins, was perturbed with color on my face or my bro's. Only the first time when the color was applied on my bro's face was she taken aback for a sec, and then she was very matter of fact about the whole thing.

This holi has been very special. It was Angel's first holi, technically second as she was just 5 months old at the last one.

Happy Holi Everybody! Can't wait for the next year, to see how she will play with all of us.

Goa, The Drug Haven?

Every time I look at the photo I cant help but feel a twinge of regret

Young carefree girl, looking for an emotional anchor

Wants to have fun, wants to know where her life is leading and hungering for love.

15 years old, drugs and sex

she should have been in school

her mother was receiving grants from the govt so that her kids go to school

so why wasn’t she?

Jug Suriya talks about legalizing drugs in Goa.

If drugs were not banned, would Scarlett Keeling, the British teenager who was raped and murdered in Goa, be alive today? Perhaps.

It was not drugs that killed Scarlett; it was the criminalization of drugs that led to her death and to the subsequent cover-up attempt by the local police who allegedly are in collaboration with the drug mafias, mainly from Russia and Israel, who have reportedly set up operations in the state.

The Full piece.

Think about it. If you legalise drugs as alcohol and tobacco would the underworld be there at all? A horrifying scary thought. Imagine cocaine, LSD, escatsy available at the local panwalla. I can not even begin to imagine the affect on innocent teenage and younger children. A dangerous proposition. Drugs should be banned!

Why was the situation allowed to get so bad with different drug cartels operating from Goa. Is there no law and order there? This is a perfect example of high level corruption.

Let go of the corruption, the greed for money and power and we have a safe tourist haven. But heck when the goa police is in cahoots with the drug mafia, will they be willing to let all the money go. If the drug trade is alive and rampant it has to be because of their blessings.

So who is responsible?

1. The 2 arrested for her rape and murder -Samson D'Souza and Placido Carvalho

2. The responsible boyfriend, Julio Lobo? Where is he?

3. Her mother, Fiona? How could she leave a 15 yr old and go to Karnataka? Is she really so naive? Or she just couldn’t be bothered? Her mother needs to be applauded for her fight for justice if not for her sense of priorities. Just think if a British national is having so much of difficulty getting justice, imagine an Indian?

4. The police and the govt for their cover up?

5. Or Scarlett herself? Should she have been a responsible 15 yr old and not indulged in drugs and sex. Known what was good for her. Maybe sex was a way of filling her hunger for love.

This is becoming a lesson for better safe than sorry. I can't help but feel that I should be sympathizing with her family instead of questioning their priorities.

gotta get my groove back

I've been working from home for the last 8 months now. Had to do something with the little free time I had. So became a recruitment consultant doing HR for the first time in my life. About 3 weeks back I started another job. A marcom job for an upcoming website, where I am required to build the brand and get sponsorships. Ever since then I have been battling with which job to continue. The first one paid me fixed + variable, the second one paid me by the hour. Needless to say I was spending more time hunting for the right people. It only made sense to continue with the second one.
BUT
yes the big but, Its tough when you need to get in touch with the CEO's, MD's and the like to promote and build the brand. I've been in the online advertising industry and I know the approach was wrong. This is not the way to go ahead. But they had other ideas. So till they come around this is the way to go. Not easy. Because at the end of the day you are not performing if you cannot come up with results either a yes or a no. Which is so darn difficult to get, since you just cant get in touch with these guys.

And now I'm spending all my time doing work and no time to check mails or blog :( and the stress! The less said about it the better. I'm irritable, cranky and impatient all the time. My diet and exercises have gone for a toss. As it is I'm sleep deprived, it increased more and now, I got so dizzy that I couldn't even sit let alone stand.

Its not worth it. I know I need the money but my daughter needs me more. she needs me around. I don't know how other women do it. Handling 2 jobs at the same time. I just do not have it in me. Gonna quit the second one. And I so badly want to blog. I have like these zillion posts in my head but no time to write it down or blog. Sitting with my laptop to blog and all i think about is work, which deadline I have yet to meet.

What a wakeup call.

Women's Day Musings

Women's day has come and gone. A day to celebrate women's achievements. But seriously why do we need to be reminded to do so? If only we learnt to give respect, encouragement, where it is due and not suppress, belittle, encroach on women's rights.

Vikram Muthanna of Star of Mysore has written a very apt article. Reproduced it below, as the link may not work

Musings On Women's Day

It's Women's Day today and I was worried that my wallet might lose some weight. Valentine's Day has just gone by and we men haven't yet recovered from that fiscal blow and already another day that favours women? But then I was relieved to know that this was a day to celebrate women's achievements and talk about women's issues. Now speaking of women's issues today they say the world is flat' but for the women this new century though has brought promise, 'the world is still at an incline'.

According to a survey, women do more than 67% of the hours of work done in the world, yet earn just 10% of the world's income. To add, the survey says that women are paid 30-40% less than men for comparable work on an average. Five years ago, it was reported that there were 80 million unwanted pregnancies of which there were 20 million unsafe abortions and caused 5 lakh maternal deaths. So much for the cradle of human life.

What I mentioned above are the global statistics. In India, women's wage rates are, on an average only 75 % of men's wage rates. Close to 245 million Indian women lack the basic capability to read and the average nutritional intake of women is 1,400 calories daily when it should be at least 2,200 calories. 300 women die every day due to childbirth and pregnancy-related causes.

As I was thinking about these women's issues while driving to work this morning, the traffic suddenly slowed down. Soon I figured why? It was a bullock cart overloaded with construction material moving slow due to the unbearable burden on it. As I passed the cart I looked at the ox, it was just skin and bones. Women and bovines are very similar in the sense of how they are treated by man. These two are the most revered in our country. They talk of Lakshmi, Saraswathi and Parvathi, goddesses of wealth, education and protection. In the bovine category they talk of Kamadenu, the holy cow and the bull that was lord Shiva's choice of transport. But look how these two are treated. It is a mirror to our hypocrisy.

CLOTHES AND COLOUR

The Indian woman has it hard right from the start. In most parts of our country a girl child's first birth day begins not with a cheer but with a “Oh! It a girl”, a disappointed sigh and soon the psychological trauma begins with the question, “Is she at least fair?”

In recent times, everyone is talking about modesty of women and how her clothes are so very important. The virtue of an Indian woman it seems now-a-days sadly stems from her clothes! If the girl dresses in a simple cotton sari or wears a salwar kameez she is decent and virtuous but if she wears Jeans and a top she is immediately branded “modern and fast”. How wrong. How ignorant.

Recently this ignorance was splashed all over the newspapers when a government official speaking on the New Year molestation case said, “women should dress 'modestly' so as to not sexually provoke men. But may be the official does not know that the women were wearing trousers, is that an immodest dress? Then one of the molesters said “did you see those girls, they were drunk.” I say so what, and what kind of non-sensical statement is that? Does it mean that just because someone is drunk, you can molest them?

Everyone talks of women dressing 'modestly', now what about men? Do men dress modestly? If we apply the same rules of modesty to men and if women behaved like men then half the Indian male population would be molested. Look how modestly dressed and behaved men are, half of them are grabbing at their crouch all the time, half the youngsters are wearing tight T-shirts that could stop blood circulation to their brains and most men come out of a party drunk, this gives plenty of opportunity for molestation. Maybe men need to be molested a few times before they can talk about women and modesty. But then speaking of the 'modest dress', according to Section 354 of the Indian Penal Code which mentions the arrest of a culprit for attempt to outrage the modesty of women does not have any condition about the victim's “dress”. So the law is clear, it does not matter what dress or what state of mind the woman is in, nothing justifies a molestation.

Then the colour issue. It doesn't matter for most part what colour a man is, but if the girl is not fair then it's a problem. Now thanks to the fairness cream Fair N Handsome even men are dragged into it. Good I say, let them get a taste of how the women feel.

I remember a few years ago when I met an elderly teacher whose son was to go see a girl for marriage, when I enquired what happened, she said, “girl is homely, adre solpa blaku” I was shocked because her son was not just “solpa blaku” he was “full blaku” and she had the arrogance to discriminate against someone. We Indians are too hung up on colour. We say the Western world is racist, I say we are more racist and so blatant about it that we don't even think of it as being discriminatory. Even an educated movie star like Sharukh Khan does not care that by doing a Fair N Handsome advertisement he is ingraining racism into the Indian psyche. This I found ironic because I have seen Sharukh Khan in person and he is not fair. I guess he like most Indians cares more about money than the repercussions.

MEDIA

The media too has not been fair to women and women's issues. Just because you employ smart talking and good looking anchors does not mean you are promoting the cause of women. Women's issues need to be covered in depth. In India it's all the more important because women actually listen, read and watch issues related to them. Rural women want to be better and if they are informed, they will act upon that information. Here I believe Akashavani has done a fabulous job.

Then it is time we stopped promoting only glamorous women. I remember when princess Diana died a National Daily carried a two-page condolence message for her but when Mother Teresa died, the same newspaper didn't even have a half-page condolence message. Princess Diana was a compassionate tourist who visited us once, where as Mother Teresa was an institution, she was a saint who saved millions of Indians. This misguided publicity is what needs to change. We need to promote the non-glamorous women also, because usually these non-glamorous women are the ones with the most substance and create the most impact on the most important part of the Indian population.

Jessica Lal case aroused so much of interest. Youngsters took out candle marches, Bollywood big wigs held placards and walked all over the streets of Delhi and Mumbai. Good, but why isn't there the same intensity in protest when it comes to getting justice for women who are raped regularly in UP. Why didn't anyone cheer for the two women Rasheeda Bee and Champa Devi who fought for the Bhopal gas disaster victims? Their country men did not appreciate them but they received the Goldman Environmental Prize in 2004.

POLITICS

Women in politics have always been sidelined. 33% reservation bill has been sitting in the Parliament for a while now. In fact this morning, Renuka Chowdary, Minister for Women and Child Welfare, said that the Bill would be discussed again. I doubt how many women in the country will benefit with the 33% reservation.

If anything, education for women is what the government must aim for and achieve. Educating a mother has long lasting effect on the society and the future of India. The mother is usually the one who instills basic sense of hygiene, civic sense and principles in a child and an educated and well informed mother is definitely what the country needs in the long run.

If women have to be treated equal, the attitude of the Indian male has to be change. Let's not waste our time looking for excuses for men's bad behavior in women's clothes and habits. Men must stop making excuses that they are treated as ATM machines and sperm banks.

Men must learn to treat women with respect, with compassion and with a sense of awe; after all she is the cradle of life.

There are numerous women's issues that can be written about but , I will stop at this and end it with a few lines from TJS George's article written in 1998, he writes, “There are ways to ensure the human rights and dignity of women. But to make these a reality, those in power need two simple qualities- honesty and guts. And these are just the qualities those in power will not have. They will have no honesty because they are politicians, and they will have no guts because they are men.”